Wednesday, 23 February 2011


Article taken from the Guardian about Jeff!!!!

The ancient legends of the Magazaki tribe predict the coming of a creature that will bring great woe to their land. It is described as a hairy monster with an enormous appetite, that scours the earth consuming all in it's path. This prophecy, passed down for a hundred generations, has been eerily fulfilled in the present day land of Magazaki, now known as the African nation of Zengala.
Although one of the smaller African nations, Zengala had a strong economy and low poverty levels compared to some of its larger neighbours. This economy was almost completely reliant on the bean industry. Nearly every bean known to man has been grown in Zengala. Per head of population, Zengala was the top bean producer in the world, sending beans to all corners of the globe, and relying on them as the main diet of the people.
This is not the case anymore. The country is in chaos. Barely a single bean remains. The Economy is non existent. Unemployment levels are near to 100%. Famine and disease are soon to follow.The cause of Zengalas rapid and calamitous collapse? The Hollywood actor Jeff Bridges.
Oscar winning actor Bridges, 61, known to millions as the Dude from "The Big Lebwoski" visited the country last week in a tour of Africa, as part of the "No Kid Hungry Campaign", of which he is official spokesman. Bridges was met on his arrival at the airport by Zengala ambassador Gafarii Mulobanga, who gave us this account of what happened.
"Bridges was very polite. He spoke very kindly to me, I had no idea what he was capable off. We were driving back from the airport and I told him about my country. I told him that beans made up almost all our economy. I told him about the vast fields of beans, our many warehouses full of beans, the forest of beans, the lake of beans, and our enormous bean mine. I then realised Bridges had gone very quiet. I looked at him. I saw his eyes. I had seen eyes like these before before. They were the eyes of a madman."
What follows defies belief. Bridges threw himself out of the Ambassadors car, and ran screaming with what was described as "orgasmic ecstasy", and disappeared into thick forest. For several hours Mulobanga and his men searched for him, but assumed this was just normal behaviour for a Hollywood celebrity.
The next morning Zengala awoke to find itself almost completely beanless. Over one hundred square miles of bean fields were empty, parched and desolate. The forest of beans was no more. The lake of beans was dust. Every bean warehouse had been broken into, their contents gone.
Bridges was eventually found at the famous great bean mine of Zengala, finishing off the last remaining beans in the country. The Army was considering shooting him, but were denied permission as Bridges was a celebrity. An eyewitness described the scene.
"He was just shovelling bean after bean into his mouth. I've never seen any creature eat as fast as he did. Many people had gathered. The army was pointing guns at him telling him to stop. But he didn't listen. He just kept eating more. Until......until every bean was gone."
After eating an estimated two billion individual beans in less than twelve hours, Bridges cheerfully signed a few autographs for the horrified crowd that had gathered around him. Chuckling and rubbing his stomach, he then boarded a flight and flew home to the US, leaving the country in chaos. Aid is now being flown in by the United Nations World Food Programme, to try to stop the famine that seems likely to grip the country soon. Several western countries are planning to donate emergency beans until Zengala gets back to normal. However, it looks like it will be years, if not decades for the country to recover, if it ever does. When asked if legal action was going to be taken against Bridges a spokesperson for the UN replied -
"I mean what can we do? He's like won an Oscar and everything."
The question is - why would a respected, mild mannered Hollywood actor, who's only past misdemeanours have been minor attempted acts of cannibalism at awards ceremonies, suddenly destroy the economy and agriculture of an entire country, threatening thousands of lives? Only Jeff Bridges knows the answer to that.

We know the answer too of course. Jeff just loves his beans!!!!!!

Zengala before Bridges came to visit...

And after

No comments:

Post a Comment